Proof

I was raised in the United church. My parents took my older brother and I basically every Sunday and we went through Sunday school and learned the books of the Bible and the general lessons about God. So, I’ve been around faith...religion...prayer. And, I feel lucky to have a church community around me. I don’t go every Sunday now and my faith/belief in Him has certainly faltered, but there was always proof that He still existed.

Whether it be the sun rising in the morning, birds chirping or babies being born...I think that is just some proof. There really is beauty in life everywhere you look. This isn’t all just by chance...there has got to be something behind it all. No one could convince me something greater than all of us doesn’t exist. But how do we (me) put complete faith that He does exist? Most of all...how do you explain certain people that just come into your life when you need them most...are they not proof that He exists?

Cornpop (my best bud) and I have been talking a lot about religion and God and faith...a lot, lately. More so than we ever have. I know that her faith and belief is ‘open’. I think that we both had to do some serious pondering over the whole subject when Sally came back into my life a few months back (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you need to go back to my first blog entry). Sally is not just some coincidence. As Cornpop said the other day (and this makes me giggle...she makes me giggle in general), “Dude, Sally didn’t just drop from the sky...” And no...Sally didn’t. She is one loud piece of proof.

Oh, how I love this woman. I swear He sent her to me. I’m as sure of it as I’m sure that the sky is blue.

Sally rocks my world. Literally. She has the ability to take me through every possible feeling in one conversation. I leave our conversations feeling uplifted, understood, loved, supported and with homework. And, usually, tired. But a good tired. She has so much knowledge, faith and experience that I don’t have...and I feel a bit like a sponge when I’m around her. I want to know what she knows. I want to be as sure of Him as she is. Clearly, she has some years on me...but I’m always eager to learn from people that know more than I do.

We went to dinner last week and hung out for a couple of hours and I just feel so comfortable and understood. She feels like home to me. She just is amazing...her words...her gestures...her compassion...her ability to hear what I’m saying when I’m unable to say the words. She can also really kick my ass and give me a push when I need it, too. I feel so vulnerable around her, but it feels safe (although I have moments of panic!).

I don’t know that I could make it through this adoption stuff if she wasn’t along for the ride. When we were chillin’, we were talking about M and processing my visit and how I was feeling and why...and she suggested that I need to continue down this road...see M again...figure this out now. And then she said she’d like to meet M and offered to come along the next time we visit (if M is ok with it, of course) and it blew me away, really. It just seems like she’s guiding me along. I feel safe in her hands.

I sent M an email yesterday and shared this with her. I’m unsure of what her response will be...but I told her that I know that Sally has been a blessing to me...and with so much experience in the adoption field, maybe she can also be a blessing to M. One can only hope.

I slipped last week and called Sally ‘Mom’. I don’t know where it came from or why...but it just came out. Her response? She said, “I can be your Mom if that’s what you need right now.”

Sally invited me to church and lunch tomorrow and I accepted. I’m super looking forward to spending time with her. Like I said above, I truly believe that He brought her into my life when I needed her the most.

She’s proof that He exists and I’m grateful.