A 'Moment'

I had a 'moment' Tuesday evening.

I was sitting on my couch, cleaning out my purse and organizing my bills and personal papers, listening to my laundry thump around in my dryer, sipping Sprite and munching on some Lays and watching And Then She Found Me, which stars Helen Hunt and Bette Midler. It's kind of an odd flick (aired on OWN) - I'd give it, overall, about a 5.5 out of 10 - but basically Helen Hunt is an adult (married) adoptee that wants to have her own child to have 'someone like me' and Bette Midler is her birthmother (and is famous). Midler searches out Hunt, who doesn't really seem to want any type of relationship with her birthmom, but Midler is persistent. A strange, yet intimate, relationship develops between the two and in the end - like in the last minute of the movie - Midler ends up funding Hunt's adoption of a daughter from China.

It was the relationship between daughter (Hunt) and mother (Midler) that drew me in. What started out as awkward and needy, turned into a deep connection that they both needed, but didn't know they did until they met. When they get somewhat comfortable with each other, daughter finds out that mother had actually kept her for the first year of her life and then placed her, because she (admittedly), "Wanted a life (career) more than I wanted you." Upon finding this out, daughter's world is turned upside down and mother basically stalks the daughter until she will speak to her and allow her to apologize. Upon this moment...daughter lays it on the table and says that the mother can make things better by paying for the cost of the procedures that will allow daughter to become preggers.

I know...I know...the drama of it all! It's a movie, remember.

The 'moment' hit when mother was at the doctor's office with daughter, who was about to have a procedure that would knock her up.

As the doctor was about to start, the mother said to the daughter, "Well, don't you want to pray first?" The daughter was raised Jewish and would pray before she'd even eat a morsel of food. The daughter declined. The mother asked the doctor if they could have a couple minutes alone. The mother tells the daughter to pray and again, daughter declined. The mother then grabs her daughter's arms and demands her to pray (note: mother is not religious whatsoever). This goes back and forth and builds up until the daughter breaks. She admits that after everything that's happened over the last year of her life has made her doubt in a God. Long story short, she and her mother connect in this scene in a way they hadn't before. To the core. The doctor's come in, daughter goes to get on the table - stops to pray out loud - and mother puts her hand on her daughter's arm. (Of course, like I noted above, she ends up adopting from China, in the end.)

It was during this scene, when I had my 'moment'. And the tears came pouring out as I went over my relationship and connection with my birthmom in my mind.

What we had and didn't.

What could have been and won't be.

My heart went back to the last time I saw Marg. She was in a coma and in the palliative care ward. She looked so small and precious in the bed, resting comfortably. Her favourite country tunes were playing in the background on the tape player. On a dry erase board, a note was written in my half-sister's writing, "If Mom's music stops, please turn the tape over and press play - these are her favourite songs." The tape stopped, I turned it over and pressed play. (No one knew I was there, other than two nurses that let me into her room - I wasn't on the 'ok visitors' list, but my tears and explanation that she was my first mom gave me immediate access to her room. Bless these nurses.)

I don't want to share all of the details of my last moments with Marg. It's too intimate. But, I did hold her hand, brushed her hair, kissed her nose and said 'see you later' in the way that felt most right at the moment. I told her that I loved her.

I know that Marg and I connected the way we did and that things worked out the way that they were meant to be. There are good memories. I do wish things had been different...adoption robs...but I don't have regret. It just made me sad that she will never get to meet my future children. HER grandchildren.

My children, will be Marg's grandchildren. Mine will be hers and hers will be mine.

What a gift that will be. To us both.

And this all came from one movie.